Focus On the Impossible

I’m upset! I just read an insert from a book by a man I somehow connected to on facebook. He calls his book The Experienced Man. It appears to be about men who are older and how they can use their age as an advantage to cast the net for younger women! He is trying to sell an age old prescription men have been swallowing for years.

What is wrong here? Why do these men continually look for the “grass is greener” when it comes to women? It is rare to see a man my age, in the online dating world, seeking women his age or older. What part of their reptilian brain is still so undeveloped to not recognize that women who are their age (or older) have great depth, great talents and yes, great looks!

I have seen this guy enough on my facebook to realize he does not have a relationship with a woman. He is flouncing around out there telling men statistics that aren’t even true (or at least outdated). Such as if a woman has not married by age 47, she has a likelier time getting struck by lightning than getting married! I wish he would be struck by lightning. 

So men will take this book and their fluffled up egos and begin shopping for younger women. I have been on the other side of that fence in more ways than one. My last serious relationship was with a man who was 11 years younger than me. Guess what? He acted 11 years younger. The oldest man I was ever interested in was 5 years older than me. Guess what? He acted 11 years younger than me!

Age should not be the defining reason for seeking out a person. It should be about the character, the attitude (I have dated a lot of old men in fortysomething bodies and a lot of young men in sixty year old bodies), how they care for themselves, and how much they are willing to grow and be a great partner to the woman in their life.

I have had to make adjustments myself in how I view my own body in the decade it now resides in. I have had to make adjustments to how I view men my age and their aging bodies. It isn’t easy. But this is where we start looking at the quality of our lives and what we hope to reach for and succeed in. 

Do I want to be with some hot looking man who looks like he stepped out of GQ? Who wouldn’t? But if he also has no real security about himself as a man, if it is all built on his physique or the size of his wallet, he is not the man I want. 

Men who are secure in themselves see women as beautiful beings they want to intimately know and continually discover. A woman who has life experience and has learned not to swallow the bitter root of it, but has turned life’s disappointments and sorrows into lessons of courage and hope are rich jewels that cannot be mistaken for cheap imitations. 

I know- I’m hearing you men say statements such as, ” She looks so old, She is so overweight, she can’t be that age!”

Well, I have news for you. I am a fit and fabulous 56 year old that can out walk most men around townlake and have more energy and self-awareness to last two life-times. In my online dating profiles, I have averaged about 35,000 viewings. Guess what? I would say more than 7/8 of these men were haggard, overweight, balding men with a fish and a hunting cap on their heads (sorry hunters- not the most attractive or inviting photos for women).

We all want the newest version because face it- we don’t like our own reflection in the mirror. We are resisting the fact that we are aging and our life expectancy is on the downward slope. It  feels good to believe we are not growing older.

Regardless of what Mr. Experienced is selling, I am focusing on the Impossible. I know what the possible is. But the impossible is so much more fun to go after.

What is my impossible?

To attract the man who is ready for a real relationship, who takes care of himself as well as he can, who has a zest for life and believes there is so much more to live for. I am looking for a partner who wants to look outside his tiny world to the greater world around us. I am looking for the man who isn’t afraid of messy because he knows messy means we are getting to the good stuff!

I live for the impossible because all things are possible!  

So Mr. Experienced, I have one last parting thought-try growing up and helping men really realize who they are and that a powerful women of any age is a beauty to behold. 



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