“You have to activate the best parts within you in order to attract the best person” Abraham-Hicks
“You are not yet the match to the relationship you want. It’s not because he left because he was rejecting you or because he was scared. He was not the right relationship but he was helping you build the right relationship.”
“We want you to enjoy the idea, the feeling of the emotion along the path, to feel good now will speed up the process of you realizing the right relationship.”
“When I have a desire, I have to be expectating of it- use expectation as a goal: I am expecting to have a good day, I am expecting my lover to come.”
I have been expecting and growing the best parts in me for some time. Some of those best parts are essential virtues:
Acceptance (of myself and of others)
Over the next couple of weeks, I want to explore each one of these topics and see how they are at the heart of a real and loving relationship. The book How to Love by Gordon Livingston lists these essential virtues as the foundations for a loving relationship.
We all want to bring the best parts of ourselves into a relationship. We all want to have the best parts of a relationship. Remember how it feels in the beginning of a relationship? of finding the person who might be the one and how you easily look at the best parts of them (sometimes without seeing the yellow and red flags)? We want to make the person who is the focus of our attention the very best. Both people do. It is the beginning stage of love.
If you have to work at it constantly and also diminish yourself or the red flags, then it is not the best for you or the other person. And when you meet the person who feels easy and comfortable to be with; when he makes it easy to be who you really are, there is a good chance he is the best for you and you for him.
The balance of being happy with this new relationship and observing it from a distance is a tricky thing. Your heart wants to fall readily into this place that is beginning to feel like home to your soul, but at the same time you need to observe the relationship and the other person to make the best judgement.
This is where you have to keep back one of the best parts of a relationship- the sexual part. I find that when you begin this stage too early, you miss out on the best part of a relationship- the natural unfolding of learning about the other person and how you fit or don’t fit with them. It seems that the nature of sex wants to hog all the time you spent before in talking and being. And as good as it feels to make love, if it is not built up with a real relationship, it feels less than afterwards. At least for me. It feels like you are cheating the process and each other.
It’s hard! You have to both know what the prize is for the end. It is truly knowing each other in a safe place and bonding in a natural way. After many, many dates with many,many men, I have found someone who is truly solid, who cares for me and for bringing the best parts of the him to the table.
We are still in the beginning stages where we are talking on the phone, going out (but only a couple of times a week), and spending time laughing, talking about vulnerable areas of our own life, and discovering more about each other. This time is golden. How do you keep it going?
I asked him the other day if he thought we would ever come to the place where we might be bored? He said, “The two of us? Never!” Why? because we have lively and curious natures that want to continually expand and grow and learn.
We are waiting- right now for a few months, but if we waited even longer and let the real relationship grow and blossom, I believe it would be even better.
He is out of town traveling a lot over the next few months. I’m not crazy about a week going by without seeing him, but it might be a wonderful way to pace this process. Meanwhile, I am determined to bring my best parts of myself and my life to the table for me.
This week, I am attending an art lecture, a discussion on articles in the New Yorker, and starting on my Italian lessons. I attended the opera yesterday (something he confesses he is not crazy about), and I will be writing my new novel.
When he returns from his own adventures, his own fun, I will be happy with my own life and my own activities. It is a good thing, I will travel with him in the future. When I do, it will be so much fun. I know this already.
So, I work on my best parts and live my best life. This is what I have to bring to a relationship. It is truly bringing love into the arena of what might be the relationship I have been waiting for!