“You have to activate the best parts within you in order to attract the best person” Abraham-Hicks
“You are not yet the match to the relationship you want. It’s not because he left because he was rejecting you or because he was scared. He was not the right relationship, but he was helping you build the right relationship.”
“We want you to enjoy the idea, the feeling of the emotion along the path, to feel good now will speed up the process of you realizing the right relationship.”
“When I have a desire, I have to be expecting of it- use expectation as a goal: I am expecting to have a good day, I am expecting my lover to come.”
I have been expecting and growing the best parts in me for some time. Some of those best parts are essential virtues:
Acceptance (of myself and of others)
Over the next couple of weeks, I want to explore each one of these topics and see how they are at the heart of a real and loving relationship. The book How to Love by Gordon Livingston lists these essential virtues as the foundations for a loving relationship.
We all want to bring the best parts of ourselves into a relationship. We all want to have the best parts of a relationship. Remember how it feels in the beginning of a relationship? of finding the person who might be the one and how you easily look at the best parts of them (sometimes without seeing the yellow and red flags)? We want to make the person who is the focus of our attention the very best. Both people do. It is the beginning stage of love.
If you have to work at it constantly and also diminish yourself or the red flags, then it is not the best for you or the other person. And when you meet the person who feels easy and comfortable to be with; when he makes it easy to be who you really are, there is a good chance he is the best for you and you for him.
The balance of being happy with this new relationship and observing it from a distance is a tricky thing. Your heart wants to fall readily into this place that is beginning to feel like home to your soul, but at the same time you need to observe the relationship and the other person to make the best judgement.
This is where you have to keep back one of the best parts of a relationship- the sexual part. I find that when you begin this stage too early, you miss out on the best part of a relationship- the natural unfolding of learning about the other person and how you fit or don’t fit with them. It seems that the nature of sex wants to hog all the time you spent before in talking and being. And as good as it feels to make love, if it is not built up with a real relationship, it feels less than afterwards. At least for me. It feels like you are cheating the process and each other.
It’s hard! You have to both know what the prize is for the end. It is truly knowing each other in a safe place and bonding in a natural way.
So, I work on my best parts and live my best life. This is what I have to bring to a relationship. It is truly bringing love into the arena of what might be the relationship I have been waiting for!