I see them lined up in the game of patterns and paths.
A line that winds its way back to my childhood.
They have different faces, but they all have one thing in common.
They were men-in my life.
Men who mattered.
Beginning with boyfriends, husbands and lovers they wind themselves back in time.
Lined up like dominos, ready to start a chain reaction.
Their faces staring forward in perfect symmetry,
past me, past our brief time together.
I follow the line until it ends, at the beginning.
My fathers stand there, different than the others,
Side by side.
Their faces looking back at the long line of men they have created for me.
Looking at how I have tried so to find love
in each of their faces, in each of their arms.
Only to come back to the beginning, back to the source.
The end of the road is the beginning of a new path, one less traveled.
I see the Father dominoes, fully realizing they are the chain reaction.
Fully realizing they are no longer needed in their roles.
The tip of my finger pushes them, Father Domino falls. Second Father falls,
With the descent of lies I have told myself.
Lies that no longer serve me.
Lies of not good enough, unlovable, abandonment. Lies of mistrust and mishandling of my body and spirit.
As they fall, I tell myself, ” They are only human.”
They are forgiven. I remember the good in each of them. I try at least.
The lies and misjudgements on myself fall with each man-domino,
Fall, and clear the path for something new, something good within me.
I am the Father of my game.
Each domino I erect is a domino of truth.
The domino of compassion and forgiveness.
The domino of my uniqueness, my gifts.
The domino of trust, for my inner voice toward men.
The domino of deservedness and empowerment.
The domino that always stands and never falls, never gives up.
The domino of ME.
Happy Father’s Day to ME.
June 6, 2013 6:59 AM