Being born in December has always had its advantages. Yes, I said advantages. Holiday decorations, magical laden Christmas trees (at least as a young child and girl I have always felt the Christmas tree was so magical), Christ’s birth honored with beautiful Christmas services and communion. Yummy food and convivial gatherings of friends and family.
It has taken many birthdays and Christmases to understand how beautiful each moment of the past was. Why does it take us years to understand being present in the moment, soaking up the memories being made in that moment is the most important thing?
I found this picture and other Christmas morning pictures of when all my girls were at home. I wish I could go back and fully enjoy that Christmas morning again. I wish I could just sit and watch my children opening gifts and being together as a family.
I was a busy mother. I wanted so much for everything to be perfect and for me to be perfect ( Did you see that I am fully dressed with make-up one while everyone else are in their PJ’s?) that I feel as if I missed out on the greatest moments of my life- just being in the moment. I created beautiful meals and lovely settings for everyone, but I was so busy- on such an agenda that I forgot to stop and smell the beautiful flowers called my children, my life with them.
I know there should be no guilt with being a busy mother. There was so much to handle, to take care of. Full-time work, full-time housekeeping, and full-time shopping and cooking. There was also my own private passions I was trying to keep alive-my writing.
My children are now scattered to the winds, living across the country. I can’t remember the last time we had a Christmas together. I think it was over 5 years ago. And that makes this mother sad.
The care and feeding of children is intense. You want so much to give and do the best for them. As a mother, you go into the action mode of providing all of who you are to their well-being.
Having three female teenagers was fun. All of those wonderful friends that came to our house, the late night sleepovers (where I probably warned them too many times to keep the noise level down), the hours of studying and wonderful evening meals with those beautiful faces around the dinner table. Music of all genres played where I recevied a rich education of the newest international groups. If there was anything negative or tiring or hard about being a mother it is wiped out of my memory.
What I look back at now is all the wonder of them, and if I could go back and see them all again in their different ages, I would bring with me a bigger outlook, more pauses in my busy agenda to just be with them, to soak in the fact that they were in my life, and I was damn lucky and blessed to have them be part of my life.
If my daughters are reading this, I want you to know that each one of you are a creation that I only had a small part in. You are beautiful, smart, and I hope that every moment of each day, you feel the importance of your own life-of who you were created to be in this moment, in this life.
Part of growing older and knowing you can’t undo or go back to the past, is another part that is also important- That whatever I missed in being, doing or having is all covered by Grace. I hope next year we can all be together. Being older and hopefully more conscious, I can treasure each moment as a family.