My astrological sign is a centaur archer. The picture of a half-man, half-horse with a bow and arrow in his hand seems appropriate to how I feel about myself.
I want to aim my arrow into the sky at something far away, and then, I want to gallop after my fallen prey, my victory.
So sitting still and not doing anything seems like someone just nailed my (hoofed?) feet to the floor!
And yet, for me to really move further ahead, I have to quiet this restless soul long enough to understand that stillness can be as powerful as action.
It has sometimes been described as the male/female aspect of a person. The male animus is action oriented. The female anima is a receiver, a more spiritual being. A balance of the two is important, in every woman and man.
The idea is that inspiration, ideas come from the female aspect. Once these ideas are formed, or another way to say this is an opportunity is created, then the male aspect goes into action facilitating it’s birth into the physical world.
So putting the female (spiritual or receiving aspect) first, is crucial to knowing where to point the arrow, where to gallop off to.
I have to sit still with the unknown first. I have to receive and trust that being with my own feelings, my own inner fears, is the way to conquer. Action can also be a disguise for fear. Distraction can be an artifice to the real me.
So I sit. I want to call someone. I want to talk what ever I am feeling with someone else. It is my way to take “action.” Not as much now. I have to approach this in a way that makes a lasting impact. I have to quit running after things, thinking the getting of things will make me happy, content.
Sitting in the unknown is about connecting with the tangled string that is wrapped around some hidden fear or belief. Wrapped around my heart, my head, my psyche.
Action is also a way to try and control the outcome. If I do something, I am in control, right? Wrong! It usually means that I mess something up, because all I am doing is shoring up the fears and not embracing the unknown.
Some people are locked in a static fear where no action is happening. Their “stuck” is a bit different looking, but it’s the same thing. They still aren’t sitting with and exploring the cause of their immobility.
So I wait, asking what it is I really need, what my true and real restlessness is about? Breathe in and breathe out, focus on an object, and let the waves of uncomfortableness rush over me. They will not knock me over, they will not kill me. If I stay with them, they will show me love, for myself, and for others.
I am sitting still now. The restlessness is creeping up around me, almost feeling like my skin is crawling with an energy I can’t stand. I am going for a walk. And then, I will try this again!