It’s been over three months since I took myself off of online dating. I feel calmer, more myself since doing it.
My friends will agree. Intentional Dating is supposedly the better way to meet a lot of people. So I counted how many people I have met-this last year. It’s been 20? 30? I lost count of the names and faces (well not all the names and faces, only those who I had a first meet with).
For some people this purposeful plan of meeting Mr Right or Ms. Right works really well.
For me, I make it more of a mission or small part time job! I get caught up in the idea of…’He must be out there and I need to find him’ attitude. This in turns keeps me a very busy girl. And it takes me away from my real life of cultivating friendships, new interests, and most of all, my writing!
Does this come from a need to be with someone? Or is it more that I’m afraid if I rest in my pursuit, I’ll be left alone.
So let’s look at being alone and life spans:
If you calculate your age in days instead of years, you might be suprised at what you come up with!
20 years old=7,300 days
40 years old=14,600 days
60 years old=21,900 days
80 years old=29,200 days
So essentially, being way past 40 years old and nearer to 60 years old, I realize that I have about 5,840 great days left! This is if I don’t get run over by a car, bus, train, plane (wait that last one would be in a plane, crashing).
And I am hoping if I do live for another 16 years, I’ll be in good mental and physical shape. So if I have only 5,840 days left, WHY WOULD I FRANTICALLY BE LOOKING SO HARD AND WASTING SO MUCH OF MY TIME?
What else could I be doing with my precious time? I would like to write and publish 10-12 more novels (Hey, James Paterson has done it!).
I’d like to be an ex-pat in another country for a spell.
I’d like to travel, swim more, ski again, cycle and kayak around Victoria Island in Vancouver. Actually, I would like to visit all the spots in the world named after Queen Victoria (England, Kenya/Tanzania/Vancouver/ Australia).
It’s not that I don’t want to find a lasting love (>5,000 days). I do. But I also want to live my life and not be waiting around for something that may or may not happen down the way.
I have sort of lived my life in anticipation. Anticipation can be good. It can be exciting, exhilirating, and hopeful. But if you hang out with anticipation too long, it can turn into an excruciating waiting game:
- I can’t be truly happy until I have someone who I love and can love back
- I have to wait to have a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/ husband/wife in order to participate in certain activities
- I don’t want to travel alone
- I don’t want to go to the movies alone
- I don’t want to attend social events: parties, games, etc alone
- I can’t own a home alone or move to a new place alone
My friend and advisor tells me that when you are awaiting something to happen in the future, you aren’t living in today.
It can be kind of hard to live in the present when you’re faced with a weekend alone. I’m still new to Denver. I have been here less than a year, and though I have met and am cultivating some connections, it’s not yet a solid foundation of friendships and activities I can rely on to fill those gaps of time with activities and community.
I do like the new ideas and feelings coming my way because I am still and not frantically searching. I am learning what real peace and realistic outlooks is like. I am finding new interests (or more likely interests that I am delving deeper into).
This is a new chapter in my life and I like it!