Making It Real

Where there are no rooms, no dividers

I have come to call it My God Space. This sacred room in my heart. It is the place of stillness, of being, of being with God.

Meditation, prayer, mindfulness, are all words for being in the center of love.  It requires letting go of judgements, of ideas and beliefs. We all cling to beliefs as if they are the life we are. They are not. Most beliefs begin from indoctrination or from an early childhood experience that left a distinct impression on us.

Two nights ago, my son-in-law and I started a discussion about transgender. I have some strong beliefs about this being more of a campaign of sorts than a real need. I feel it represents the confusion of today’s youth not in their sexuality, but in their belonging as a whole person.

But those thoughts did not translate well in the discussion with my son-in-law. Instead they took a wrong turn, a dead-end of sorts where we were mostly talking in heated accusations to each other. Oh how that triggered him and me! And then, later, I realized that we weren’t talking about transgender. We were both wanting to be heard by the other person.

There was a wall that needed taken down, but instead of entering a place of peace, a shared space of listening where these strong opinions could be shared and perhaps brought to a place of understanding, we were busy trying to tear each other’s walls down. Which does not work!

Today in our society, everyone is trying to tear each other’s walls down. It is a forceful act where words are used as jack hammers. Some of these walls need tearing down-abuse by people in power-sexual abuse in particular; women’s inequality in pay; abuse of the poor; especially withdrawing funding from relief work around the world.

America has been called a divisive nation. The President of our United States is leading the way with divisive words tweeted daily. Causes are springing up everywhere to shout out injustice #Metoo, #Blacklivesmatter, are a few examples. These are good walls to tear down but let’s all be careful that in the process, we are not building other walls of hate and anger in their place.

And all of this divisiveness feels overwhelming. Perhaps it is showing our own divisiveness with our inner lives. Swirling around us constantly is doing, being busy, creating action steps toward some sort of achievement.  We pack in our days doing and doing so much that we don’t know how to be with stillness, with ourself, and with God.

Our own walls are big. Our own walls of identity, of a broken childhood, of our so-called career, of a marriage gone wrong. And we build these walls faster than the Berlin wall. We build these in our mind, in our hearts. We can’t find the real us amidst all the barriers we build in ourselves.

Barriers can be good. The correct word is  boundaries. Boundaries are there to protect in a practical way. They are constructed with love. We protect our children from being exposed too early to the world. We protect them as much as humanly possible from harm. We also teach them how to set their own boundaries by creating healthy ones for them.  We need boundaries as well. For children who have not been modeled healthy boundaries or given protection and love, these are harder to recognize and create as adults.

So I am finding that going to this place of stillness, of breathing in and out, and doing nothing but finding love so big, so bright, so warm and fulfilling, I don’t want to leave. It is like I am in a large open field, high in the mountains of Colorado; the air is crisp and clean, the sky is blue, and the meadow is brimming with tiny flowers. Large, shading blue spruce trees loom around the edges, standing sentry around me, giving me shade.

And all this goodness, all this beauty, all this lightness and wonder is God. It is me joining Him in this space. I don’t have to do anything; I don’t have to say anything; and I don’t have to be anything. He and I are just together. No walls. No dividers. Love, mighty and clean and powerful draws my heart in, expands it beyond the needs and desires I believe I have or want.

I then bring others in. One by one, I bring a person I care about or perhaps am having challenges with. And that love washes over me and the other person again. No judgements, no barriers, no walls. If I do have any judgements or hurts or wounds with the other person, it is easy to release them, to let go of my wall. That surrender is standing at the ocean’s edge, placing the hurt or wound into the ocean and seeing it wash away from shore, out to the deep ocean.

I’m not always successful with this. I may have to do it again and again. It doesn’t matter. Being in my God space, surrounded by love and light, gives me the ability to let go easier, to  no longer see the so-called issue as a problem. And if it is a particularly big wall, I need help from another in the work of spiritual guidance to see what the wall may be in my mind and body.

I imagine Heaven to be this place where each person comes through a different door of belief, but to everyone’s surprise, they all walk into the same room, a room bright and beautiful bursting with God’s love. When they come through the door all of the old beliefs, wounds, divisions are left behind. Those old things cannot fit through the door of the soul any longer.  They are in the God space now, fully and eternally.

In this human form, I get to choose, what walls I let stand in my own heart and what walls I allow to fall, letting in love instead, simply by being in the one room that matters, my God space.

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