I am starting on a new adventure. I’m moving to a new city. I think wanderlust has been percolating in me for many years, but only now am I beginning to act on it. Here I am in my fifties and finally stretching myself by moving to different cities on the map.
I wish I was young when I started this. Life would be unencumbered in so many ways, and I would travel so much further. But you take what you can and make the most of it.
A new friend recently said to me, “I sense you’re restless. What are you searching for?” I was taken aback with his ability to sense so quickly something I hadn’t even realized. I am restless. I have been my entire life.
What makes some of “restless” -looking beyond the horizon for something so illusive, we can’t even name it or place it. What makes some people content? Quietly settled in the place in the lives where they have landed?
I moved away from where I grew up at the age of 18 -Houston, Texas. With the advent of facebook, I am reconnecting with people I went to school with. A majority of them still live in Houston. Some have told me they wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I am so amazed. It’s so foreign to what I imagine for my own life.
Different strokes for everyone. But for those who are wondering how people like me can just pack up and move, I’ll let you in on a little secret. It’s not as easy as we make it look.
I have lived a life of carefulness, of being taught the world was not a friendly place. Sheer determination and a little help from my friends help me make the moves. Also, I just see the next move as an opportunity to learn something else about the world and about people, but especially about myself.
I get a little braver with each move. A friend of mine told me I was unstable in my life, and I just needed to stay put in one place-that I needed stability. Why? As far as I know, this is the only life I have to live. Does it have to be in once place? Do I have to experience only one place?
Maybe what others see as restlessness is really my intense curiosity.
I have an opportunity to move to Thailand. It would be a great career move. I should go. I should jump at the chance to live overseas and work. But now I have a daughter who is having my second grandson. That is my stability. I can’t bear the idea of moving far away from my grandchildren. Something has given me a sense of “stability.” Family can sometimes draw us to a centered place.
I am also single right now. I hope someday soon to be with someone- for the rest of my life. That is part of my restlessness I suspect. Then I will be planted again and just sprout with curiosity in the way of traveling and visiting places. Our hearts want to belong to something and someone. We want to follow a career, a cause, or a person and build something. I want to build a dynamic life-with someone and also on my own.
Is this restlessness?
Still, I imagine myself as an old woman-hiking in the mountains and traveling more and more. It’s a big world.